Someone once said to me, “I have nothing against ugly people, I just believe they should be treated differently.” While that is a terrible thing to say, sure, people do it.
And most people on the receiving end of such statements, bolster themselves back up with kind friends and sentiments, “No, no honey, you’re not ugly. They’re just an asshole.” Me, being the strange person I am, always remembers there are two sides to every story and some actions cannot happen until another action has come before it.
So, I think, if you cannot trust people whether as solely the victim or the villain, you cannot effectively rectify any situation without at being at risk of coddling the wrong person or one of two equally guilty parties.
Ugly is subjective. We can find ourselves glorifying abusive behavior whether from ourselves or other people through rose-colored lenses for all sorts of reasons. (One such reason could be to get through the day without an argument…) We can do the wrong thing for the right reasons, the right thing for the wrong reasons and we can not understand what’s happening until well after it has happened. We can pin it all on ourselves, upholding the idea that “ugly” people do not deserve to be treated like people and we can tear down any genuine compliments with a simple “they weren’t talking to me” or “they’re just saying that because I am so hideous”. A cute quote that gets thrown around is “You accept the love you think you deserve.” To that I say, “You train yourself to believe you deserve less.”
Physical attractiveness is irrelevant on the whole. It’s convenient if you are and a very different world if you’re not. You are going to be the be all end all for some people and uglier than death to some. I would highly recommend you don’t hold your self worth tied so closely to people’s perception of beauty, filtered through even more atrocious standards. Many people simply do what they are told to do, what they are trained to do. You aren’t going to convince anyone to abandon their narrow ideas, if you cannot demonstrate how wrong they are. In the words of Beyonce, “The best revenge is your paper.”
So, to those who think themselves too ugly to be treated properly and with the basic level of respect, don’t be foolish. You cannot lose your worth unless you say you can. If the worst bigots can finagle their way into a relationship, into a marriage, into parenthood, I think you’re going to be fine. Do not waste your time selling yourself for whatever comes your way. If you ask the universe for anything, I swear to god, it will give you anything. The greatest thing you will ever learn is how to care for yourself. Not out of detachment, or spite, or for hating your past so much that you hold everyone to that standard, but to just exist in the full weight of what you are and what you are capable of. It’s not just one person that’s going to find you attractive. The brighter you live, the more people who are going to see you shine. So maybe stop trying to be something stupid because one stupid person (or 7, I’m not here to judge) said that was you deserved. Bitch, they do not know you. They know hair gel brands and how to play guitar with no soul, they know how to accentuate their cheekbones and ass in an outfit, which cocktail will get you drunk the fastest, which side to take when your ex beats you up behind your back, honey, listen, they do not fucking know you. So why are you letting the tell you how to live?
To those who believe themselves to be the grand cardinals of carrying out grotesque beauty standards. Thank you. Sometimes we need someone who is more than willing to bend over on their hands and knees to be a hurdle to overcome. You do it wonderfully. And yes, while people trip and stumble in their first few attempts to get over you, they are becoming stronger while you remain stationary. Eventually, they will get over you, go on to other things, better things and the most growth you can hope for as you fail to realize what living is really about is that some weaker person will come along. That’s your legacy. Excuse my laughter, but a person is a great many things in their life, your attempt to reduce them down to one only robs you of their worth and no one else, and I wish nothing but the best for you in your life as a semi sentientent hurdle.
I have to wonder from anyone on any side of this equation…when all is said and done, what does your life truly amount to any way? Is a pretty face enough for anything? If you find yourself benefiting more than working…usually means you’re the product, babe. Is squeezing your entire being into a little box of unrefined expectations a life fully lived? I don’t think that elbow is going to get in there, darling. Maybe try an empty room and let your voice echo loudly off the walls. Hear that? That’s just a fraction of your potential. Whatever we put our time into is what we eventually become good at, and I don’t know about you but there are a million other things I want to be before I’m really good at believing I or anyone else is not worth anything. Whether a monster or a man, a dragon or a lady, I hope you find a much brighter way to live.
Until next time,
Don’t be hungry for life. Be ravenous.
Zakkarrii Edison Daniels