A long time ago, before this blog became my baby, I wrote The Down Side to Goth. It focused primarily (albeit weakly) on sexual harassment, but I would like to expand my judgement. It’s a sensitive topic, I’m sure, forcing some people to look at the darkest parts of themselves. Between you and me, I think you can manage.
The Fetish Chasers-
Our blending of the sexy (or things that just make us feel comfortable) and love of dressing up in over the top (or barely there) clothing can sometimes be too enticing for people to remember their manners. They lurk in corners of bars, don’t really talk to anyone and when they do…you wish they hadn’t. They generally wear enough black to pass as goth and could hold a minimal conversation to convince you that they are, in fact, interested in our little scene. They generally sexualize everything (a sip of a drink is usually a sip of a drink), and twist every single sentence to come off as “charming”. They become too friendly, too fast through touching (hand on waist, holding you tightly, standing behind you too closely) that can be disguised as platonic(I’m like that with all my friends) or protective (You’re just so small). If rejected or even gently reminded you’re not interested, they’ll turn it back on you (Maybe you thought I was coming onto you but I’m not) or calling you a bitch out right (Why do you dress that way if you didn’t want me to compliment you?).The real way to know this type is by your sudden need to know where security is and how many exits there are. This can go any way on the gender spectrum, from any age group, I typically get it with younger guys.
This category doesn’t reveal itself until you’ve spent enough time around them to see it. They take things without asking (cultures, your sweater, other people’s ideas) and do not care for the consequences (offending/ desecration, your rage, lawsuits). Confrontation is their forte but only because they find themselves having to do it so often. Apologies are like unicorns with them, but they will wait patiently for you to say sorry (or grovel) for the littlest thing. The most damning trait of all? They have a grandiose sense of self but nothing to back it up. They put the bare minimum of work necessary to keep their imagined crown in place. What do they feel entitled to, you might ask? The handholding of being fed information in great detail (like you’re their teacher), that ideas based in goth culture are to be shared like a melting pot as opposed to, you know, giving people their damn credit (how this one hurts my little heart truly), or, and this is their favorite, your respect. The entitled of goth tend to think the fact they are here at all is deserving of a massive amount of respect, and to level with you, I do give them some. I give respect for sticking with goth when you get harassment for it, for being a human being and for making something in the community because fuck yeah creating things is cool. However, I do not give the full weight of my respect (and I don’t think anyone does or would) to halfassed attempts that want the same value as people who pour their heart and soul into what they do here. It’s about the work itself and the result here, *whispers* so you have to do both.
The Gothier Than Thou-
Their clothes are expensive, they’ve been to every show, met every performer and they will never let you forget it. Their circle of friends is carefully crafted of only those who adhere to their idea of the one true goth and few survive their once over of disdain. I actually admire their determination to watch the culture/community die before they accept a pastel goth and the strength of it. They don’t go out to hang out, they go out to be seen and to remind everyone how high they like to ride their rare skeletal pony of goth. They’re the Elite of the Elitists. If you do want to befriend them I hope you’ve studied up for their Quiz of Death. Oh, what’s that, it’s not wrong for people to have a preference about the people they associate with? Of course not, but there’s very little reason to be overtly fake with people so your image of perfection doesn’t crack (customer/fan service). Or to make people feel unwelcome even though they are probably very nice, and wore something simple today because maybe they just came from work. Or, my personal favorite, to think that your motivations for being here are the only valid motivations for being here. You’re talking about people, I’m talking about the under belly of goth.
I think I have my own smaller categories I would place just before the underbelly of goth, but it’s these three groups I keep hearing about that actually put people off of the scene. Then I get mad because they don’t go out anymore and that is all I do at Bar Sinister, drink and talk to nice people. Honestly, if I am going to say that’s not goth to someone, it’s because they do anything listed here.
So, for the 666, What are the worst types of people you can meet as they masquerade in goth culture? What is your less than favorite experience and how did you deal with it? How do you deal with informing the types you listed that their behavior is less than pleasing?
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Until next time,
Don’t be hungry for life. Be ravenous.
Zakkarrii Edison Daniels