I suppose my little vacation from blogging must come to an end. I was away for loads of reasons, but emotionally, I was broken. I stopped writing about goth culture and my wonderland life because I didn’t feel like an authority on it anymore. I felt I had nothing to add to the conversation. Or perhaps it’s not that grand, I just didn’t feel like talking. I’ve never been very good at being social.
Things never go the way I plan them too. I have to be vague, I’m sorry. You’re probably wondering why I’ve come back at all. The answer is simple, we still have a lot of work to do.
Not just with defining goth culture and examining all the fun things we can do within it, but my main drive has always been to weave the fantastical elements of life we experience in maybe a romantic evening or a good book, with the mundane of responsibilities, work, breathing. Simply, to make that Wonderland life as real as possible. So it leads me to disappear entirely every now and then, be a little selfish and strain my relationships, but more and more I realize that feeling is not unique to me.
More and more I realize that is perhaps not the best way to do things, and I’m interested in a new chapter, so I’m choosing to pay attention more now, to feel more, to maybe even care a little.
I believe for my life anyway, that in order to progress significantly everything must fall apart first. It’s not always the way, but this past month it seems like that’s the way the story wants to go and I’m tired of fighting it. I should use my strength to rebuild instead of saving a future that cannot be. Some things I have learned though:
- Human interaction of any kind is a compromise always. While it may be more taxing, there are loads of benefits to treating each person you come across as an individual and allowing them to be themselves, even if it doesn’t always benefit you directly. From what I understand some people see this as stroking egos but I don’t care. If we desire our own lives to be special and our own then we must allow others to want the same, and work with each other as best we can to achieve that desire. It doesn’t hurt to think our actions through to the consequences either, but that’s a whole other skill set.
- The greatest skill you can have is adaptability.
- But it’s also okay to let yourself feel things, like anger and sadness. The sooner you acknowledge those feelings, the sooner you can recover. Resentment is a dangerous thing.
- You cannot rebuild yourself and rebuild a relationship while you’re in it at the same time.
- When all else fails, logic, and true, unbiased logic at that, can save you.
I’m sure I’ve learned loads more, but I have a future to plan. Some parts of it are shaky and some of the paths it can take are not quite so lovely, but the story must go on.
I can’t wait to see the dawn.
To see what mischief I’ve been getting into while I’ve been away, take a moment to follow this blog by Joining the Exploration Party at the top of this page, for other glimpses follow me on Facebook,Youtube,Tumblr,Instagram. .
Until next time,
Don’t be hungry for life. Be ravenous.
Zakkarrii Edison Daniels