Fall in Love with Me (Set 2)

Back in February, I started doing the questions from “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This”. The original study is linked here. Today we’re going back to that digital parlor and spilling my soul onto the screens between us.  The featured image comes from Ginger Dead on Etsy, please be a sweetheart (teehee) and go check out their shop.

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 

I would want to know if I hadn’t been suicidal, bisexual, black, female, had horrible sexual and emotional encounters  would my life be similar to what it is now? Would I still want to be in psychology with as much determination? Would I still be afraid of people? Would I be more like my friends? Would I be more interesting? Would I even care enough to remember that other life as I so desperately struggle to preserve every part in my life now?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

Yes, I have wanted to do this project for the last seven years. I had completed the first half of the design process to do it, but got lost about when working on the other one. I had started to enlist friends to help with it. This project requires at least 20 other people to pull it off. But while they said they were super interested they never completed the things I asked of them, and eventually it earned its place on the list of regrets and unaccomplished dreams. I’m currently working on rewriting the project for a different medium but I don’t have faith in it anymore. Like it’s a private fantasy of what could’ve been and maybe I can give it to someone else to complete the way it was meant to be. Maybe I’m not the one though, and it makes me cry all the time.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

I’m super proud of admissions essay, though I don’t think it helped me get into school really. I had a glass of wine and told that school why I deserved to be there, why I had to be there. I put my little heart out there and it always makes me smile.

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Loyalty and commitment. But commitment the most. I don’t like to just make casual friends. I’m 100% in it to win it with people I want to develop relationships with. Where no matter how much space or time or life passes between us, we will always be friends.

17. What is your most treasured memory?

Pick one?! Just the one? I honestly can’t pick just one. When my friends and I realized how much we meant to each other, when I got accepted into school right before I gave up, having a Gauloises cigarette on perfect summer day, the black skelly cat my friend gave me because it glows in the dark and I’m scared of the dark (it has followed me everywhere through everything), the day my dad gave me my first psychology books, so many memories!!

18. What is your most terrible memory?

Any moment a friendship ended because I was wrong.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

Um…I smoke and live in America. I’ve kind of just accepted that I could die at any second and live my life fully every day.

20. What does friendship mean to you?

It means you don’t get to pick the moments you want to have with this person. If they’re hurt, you’re there. If they’re happy and you don’t understand why, you’re there. When they need a cup of truth, a hug, a little night trip to Denny’s to bitch about work, to see a movie you have no interest in just so they won’t go alone, you’re there. Friendships are like everything to me. They’re essential damn it.

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 

Sigh, we’re doing so well, bouncing back from the sad answers. I don’t believe anyone will ever love me. I know I can love other people, but I feel so far away from other people, something as big as love never becomes a desire or a thought. I’ve kind of giving up finding it for myself. I focus more on the study of love through psychology and human biology so I could at least understand that much about it. Affection, physical affection is generally terrifying. I like to show it to other people, but it would be very startling if someone showed it me. When people do I’m always wary of their intentions. Neither are very important for me to have for myself, but I think it’s important for other people to have a chance to find them.

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

Shall we do this for my ideal partner?

1. You’re always studying everything around you so intensely.

2. You go out of your way to help people as much as you can, especially if it’s a small act of kindness.

3. You’re not afraid to abandon the recipe and try something different.

4. You believe love is limitless, and you try to show that love to the people you surround yourself with. You treat everyone as important.

5. You let me leave the tv on when we fall asleep together because you know I’ll probably start a project otherwise.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

Um…did you see question 21? I feel my family is close to each other, but I always felt alienated and otherly, so meh. I’m closer to them now, yes. I liked my childhood. I was the grand master champion of devouring books baby!

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

It’s good.

End Set II. 

Well that was an unexpected trip down memory lane. It does feel weird not doing with this anyone else, so leave your own answers down below. Or one day we can test the theory and do a group chat over Google and fall in love with loads of people. I hope they like wine. You know the drill, to know when the final set comes out, “Join the Exploration Party” at the top of this page. To see what you’re really getting yourself into, follow me on Facebook,Youtube,Tumblr,Instagram.

Until next time,

Don’t be hungry for life. Be ravenous.

Z.e.D.

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