The Sea of Guilt

Things I feel guilt about:

1. Wanting to post four times a week and fear of putting off the few followers I have. (I like them, they’re good people). Wanting to post about things like make up and clothes, will still asking to be taken seriously about…well things like this. 

2. Wanting to post about superficial la la some people can’t experience or even begin to relate to because of availability, finances, and civil unrest. 

3. Not being good (capable, powerful, smart, etc, etc) enough to actually help people in bad situations because of outright fear for my own well being, own superficial self interests and personal problems, and feeling the little I can do won’t help anyone or anything improve. 

And so we begin. This will hopefully have a happier ending, but I can’t write anything else until I get through this and find some positive, constructive outlook. Maybe we should clarify, this isn’t for praise or sympathy. I think a lot of people feel this way, on some level, and it can become an overwhelming paralyzing thing. We all know doing nothing makes things worse, and want to move. We just don’t know which direction to go in. 

Ways to not be paralyzed by guilt:

1. Not posting is hurting my personal self image of living up to what I say I’m going to do. I have a tendency to write about…mmm, heavy(?) things and use the blog to work through it. But only writing about those things leaves me opportunity to revisit those negative situations and get stuck in them all over again. Posting more would build my self- esteem, sort of improve my writing, and expand this collection of thoughts to include positive ones. As for “losing followers”, I think I’ve finally settled on adding a page that will inform people on controlling how often they receive notifications from me. More posts would also them variety since I already scheduled it out to like one “depressing” thing a week or so. 

2. While on these lovely little shopping trips, I usually take pictures of things on sale (read: clearance) and how I try to stay within my own budget. I also usually don’t share these pictures, so that’s one way. Same goes for causes I support, and stores that support those same things. Instead of feeling guilty I should probably work on a way to promote those things via social media and continue to support them to the extent I best can. Yes, there will be guilt over even being in a situation where I can pick and choose what matters to me because I’m not experiencing it first hand. But it would be far more shameful to not take advantage of my little soapbox to encourage others to make a difference which leads me to the last part. 

3. I am capable of doing something. I am smart enough to figure out a way to do something, be safe, and be productive. One of the most troubling things is that nothing is said without some spin on it for someone else agenda. (News=business, and business trumps all here). But there are good people honestly trying to make a difference that struggle to compete with getting the word out. I can help with that, everyone can help with that. There’s also not taking for granted the fact I’m not experiencing those things, and treasuring whatever good fortune comes my way. Every change starts with one single person wanting something better, whether it be technology or working conditions or civil rights. It becomes something worth paying attention to and fighting for when other people see value in the improvement and want to change things too. Progress means being one more voice asking for change, and being as informed about it as possible. There are too many resources at my disposal to stay ignorant of the possibilities and ways to improve not just my own life but other people’s lives too. Silence is the death of progress and we have a lot of noise to make. There’s also doing whatever much you can manage when presented with the opportunity. 

Yep, that sounds reasonable and I feel like I’m heading in the right direction. If you have also been struggling with the feelings of guilt I hope this helped. If not, I hope it offered some insight into the lack of posts and you can appreciate the effort. I’ll see you guys on Saturday. For more of a little bit of everything follow me on YouTube, Tumblr, Instagram, and Facebook, and don’t forget to Join the Exploration Party.

Until next time, 

Z.e.D.

 

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