Let’s just dive in.
When I look “normal”; black hair, no make up, t-shirt and jeans, I am approached differently, I am received differently. I get once overs that suggest disapproval, and category placement confirmed. I am watched closely in small shops, ignored by some, harassed by others. I am asked weird questions about my background, how I came to be so articulate, if they can touch my hair, why I don’t wear it in an afro. But it is socially acceptable, I am repeatedly told. It’s safer, you “blend in”, which it most certainly has never once felt like. (Not the best picture for this, but I can’t find any normal pictures of myself…)
When I look like “me”; purple hair as wild as a lion’s mane, more make up than is necessary for a trip to Safeway, and dressed to the nines for godly reason, I am approached differently, I am received differently. I get once overs that suggest curiosity, but not disdain, and “error does not compute”. I am watched occasionally in small shops and upon the survey of my person and shown items that might interest me. “Let me guess. Your favorite color is purple?” Harassment only comes in brief glances and rarely at that. I am asked questions about if I do tutorials on YouTube, where did you get your clothes from, what hair dye do I use and of course if they can touch my hair. It is not socially acceptable, I am repeatedly told. It’s asking for trouble, you’ll have to “grow up” soon, which may or may not be true but the benefits have so far outweighed it all.
It’s not because I look weird, or not the main reason. It’s not to place separation between the stereotype. Sometimes it’s cold out and I’m going to wear my over sized perfectly goth hoodie, because it’s warm and snuggly. When I do what feels like me, I feel different. I can take on the world. My walk has been commented on when I am in full regalia. My head is higher, my mind is clearer, my anxiety less. It’s never been for attention, even if it does get it. It is subject to change like so many other things in life. It’s who I am, given all the freedom (and thrift stores) in the world, for, at least, right now. It’s so nice to radiate me once in a while.
(Details on goth hoodie)
I’m sure that’s what a lot of people find here. It’s one of the things that make it a nice place to be. Not because you want to/should look weird, but it’s freedom to find your truest, best self. However black may be involved with that is up to you decide. For more wonderful gothically inclined things follow me onFacebook, Instagram, YouTube, Tumblr, and don’t forget to follow this blog by clicking Join the Exploration Party.